As a human species, I have feelings and emotions. I can’t get rid of them or stop my capability to feel. I have my own needs and desires, and I have my own thoughts about my goals, life, situation, and others. All these things trigger various emotions in me.
Even if I try my best to be logical and practical, I can’t be free from emotions. It’s just not possible. Trust me, I’ve tried to be emotionally free but failed miserably. I used to think of emotions or feelings as something like an appendix, trying to avoid them. But I was wrong. Emotions are a part of me, a feature of being human.
I don’t know exactly where emotions come from—whether it’s from my soul, mind, heart, or some external spiritual entities. I’m not fully sure as there’s no concrete evidence about it. There is no machine that can understand my feelings. However, after thousands of days of observation and research, I’ve found that my emotions are mostly linked with my thoughts, mind, heart, and some unknown sources.
I discovered that some emotions save me from various dangerous activities driven by my monkey mind. So, they are not all bad. Some emotions, like happiness, peace, and excitement, serve me well and feel good to have. I will discuss how certain emotions, including both positive and negative ones, are actually beneficial in another article.
However, there are emotions I don’t like, such as sadness, guilt, frustration, and anger. They don’t help me much, so I needed a way to get rid of them quickly. I know they are inevitable, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything about them.
I tried various methods to get rid of them, but many of these methods were not quick, and my emotions tended to come back over time. I needed a different formula. Upon deep analysis, I found that my negative emotions are triggered by both internal and external events. For example, remembering a hurtful memory can trigger feelings of hurt, guilt, and regret. Seeing someone better than me can cause comparison feelings, hurting my self-esteem. When people mistreat me, it causes anger and hurt.
There are countless things in life that cause unnecessary negative feelings. Why do I get these negative feelings even if I don’t want them? When I experience negative emotions, many thought cycles run through my mind, making me feel negative. I need a way to stop these cycles quickly.
I tried writing down my thoughts, but they kept coming, wasting a lot of time. I tried meditation, breathing, and calming my body, but these were temporary solutions. Distracting myself with digital entertainment and socializing also provided only temporary relief. I needed real solutions that work long-term.
During this time, I read some CBT books (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). One book I liked is “Visual CBT.” Many people did not like this book due to its unusual editorial style, but the information inside was very useful. I tried it, and it worked. It really worked.
My Formula:
When you find yourself feeling negative for any reason, try thinking in the following way. Edit these thoughts as per your situation:
- Acceptance: I wish this thing hadn’t happened, but that doesn’t mean it must not happen. (For example: I wish I hadn’t made this mistake, but that doesn’t mean I must not have made it.)
- Perspective: It happened, and it’s technically very bad, but it’s not that bad.
- Minimization: It happened, and it feels very bad, but it’s not the worst thing in the world.
- Self-Compassion: This doesn’t make me a bad person; I am a fallible human being.
After this, your conscious mind will become calmer, thought cycles reduce, and you feel better. You might still get some sad thoughts, but it will be easier to let them go. Just let them pass and move on to your activities.
Try this and see for yourself.
After this, if you want to feel even better, just visualize that everything will be fine in the future. You am making progress, being happy, and fulfilling your core purposes which is being happy.
